I wrote yesterday about amazon.com’s newly patented gift conversion system, and about the consternation it is causing among those that have set themselves up as the guardians of good manners.
In an ideal world, manners (and social norms of all kinds) evolve along with the society in which they exist in order to best serve that society. I think the idea that social norms should serve the best interests of society is an important one, as I think that people who become obsessed with manners sometimes get it the other way round. One social custom that appears to be undergoing at least a little change is the custom of Chrtistmas gift giving. It is a strange irony that as a society becomes more affluent, the ability of people to give gifts increases at the same time as those gifts become less relevant to people’s lives.
Societal change is in large part driven by technological change, and that change has been continuously accelerating for hundreds of years. It has now accelerated to the point that changes in social norms cannot really keep up, as these changes are more generational than technological. This can leave those of us trying to do the right thing for the environment in a difficult situation as some of our personal behaviours that are most destructive to the climate are woven into the very fabric of our culture.
How do I tell my relatives that we aren’t going to fly across the continent for Christmas because of the effect on the climate? How do I tell long-distance friends that I’d love to see them in the summer, but if they are going to travel by air then I’d really rather not? How do I decline the offer of a ride from a friend when I can take the bus instead and the offered ride will add 20 km of driving to their gas-guzzling minivan? How do I convince my car-pool buddies to let me drive every time because my car burns half as much fuel as theirs? And, how do I tell great-aunt Myrtle that I told amazon.ca to keep her gift before they even shipped it to me?
Amazon may have solved the last one. When you exercise the option to “convert” the unwanted gift into a gift certificate, Amazon will, if you choose, send a thank-you card on your behalf for the original gift. And if you can convince Myrtle not to fly up from Florida for Christmas, she’ll never know the difference.
Whether you like amazon’s idea or not (and I think it’s great), my point is that if we are to successfully meet this challenge, then there are some social norms and customs that will need to change. This will take time, and so the challenge now, for those of use that wish to be environmentally responsible, is how to live that ethos without completely alienating everyone that we love.
Personal Climate Change 
This is a tough one, and I think there are times when we need to compromise just a little bit. Unfortunately our society has evolved in such a way that loved ones are often far away, and there is not always an environmentally friendly way to get together (no trains through NW Ontario, for example). And yet keeping in touch with one another, not just electronically, is an important value. Knowing that I do my best to be environmentally responsible most of the time, I will allow myself the occcasional trip (by car or bus) to be with family members in person. I know it’s a compromise, but as long as we do have life on the planet, there are certain qualities of that life that I want to maintain.
First off… do you even have an Aunt Myrtle? 😛
Second, I am most taken with a point you made early on in your article which, admittedly, isn’t the central point you are trying to make. I wholeheartedly agree with the new options suggested by Amazon, however nobody has ever bought me a gift online and I’ve gone a step further and stopped buying gifts altogether.
What has become of the act of gift giving? What was it ever meant to achieve?
I’m sure sociologists, psychologists and cultural anthropologists have a thing or two to say on the subject. Is it meant to demonstrate affluence? To be a marker of some form of oneupsmanship? Is it meant to show gratitude?
Gift giving, particularly during the Christmas season has become an onerous task. I view it as little more than obligation – the buying of too much stuff for, in most cases, people who already have too much stuff. You are right in saying that we are an affluent society, perhaps, in developed countries, at one of the most affluent points in human history. In many cases we can afford to buy all of the things we want so it is a rare occasion that a gift caters to such a role.
So why do it?
If, at its most basic, the act of gift giving is meant to be selfless gesture of goodwill, it should come without expectation. Not “because” everybody else is doing it. I suspect the commercialization of gift giving has caused us to err greatly at both the expense of the planet and the quality of human interaction.
No, I don’t have an Aunt Myrtle. 🙂
I have to say that to a certain extent I agree with you about gift giving. It can feel good to give someone a gift when that gift is spontaneously purchased out of affection for that person and a recognition that you have found or made something that they will enjoy. While we pretend that the giving we do at Christmas (or birthdays, or any other gift-giving festivals) is just like that, it is actually nothing like that at all.
Gift giving was important in primitive human societies because it promoted cohesion within the group. Participation was mandatory, not because someone said so, but because failure to participate in gift giving meant failure to participate in the group, and nothing was more terrifying to primitive people than the potential of being ostracized from the group. Proper participation in gift-giving rituals was therefore extremely important, and could be cause for considerable anxiety. This, I think, is what Christmas gift giving is really about.
It’s kind of sad to realize that the whole “joy of giving” Christmas thing is largely bullshit, but it’s even worse than that. I think the forced gift giving of Christmas also spoils the potential for spontaneous, genuine gift giving at any other time of the year. How many times do people see something and think “I bet Myrtle would like that, maybe I’ll get it for her for Christmas” instead of just buying and giving it right away for the sheer joy of it? I think part of the reason we don’t do that is that deep down, whether we want to admit it or not, it is virtually impossible to give a gift without expecting something in return, so it is safer to give gifts only when a return gift can be expected.
“Tis better to give than to receive” is most true in the sense that when you are the giver, the other person now owes you.